Mr. Speedy

What a long and busy day. We are sitting on a plane heading to Las Vegas right now. I am very excited to go “home” :). We haven’t been back since November 2008. Last year was just such a busy travel year for us and honestly, I just didn’t make it a priority. It’s not that I don’t miss my family or anything, but there are just so many places I would rather go then there. It’s just different now that we don’t have a house out there. Everyone still works, and it’s hard squeezing everyone into three days.

BUT, being with Shanna on my birthday made me realize that I need to make it a priority…if anything, for my kids. My family is so amazing (mom’s side at least) that I just HAVE to make my kids have more involvement with them. My grandpa and Linell are so good with them, and honestly, he is really the only “grandpa” they have. Yes, Marc’s dad is only an hour away, but my grandpa genuinely LOVES spending time with my kids and I just love that MORE THAN ANYTHING.

So, we attended the boys school conferences this morning. They are both doing awesome. They are both about a year ahead in reading levels. Thank goodness for great teachers, because it sure has nothing to do with me. Well, I AM pretty book smart ;).

I am so proud of Blake…his teacher said he has really stepped it up. She has even nicknamed him Mr. Speedy. For those of you that don’t know him very well, Blake can be VERY lackadaisical. If it is something he DOESN’T care to do, it can take a very long time to get done. It drove his teacher nuts last year too. But, Mrs. C says that he is probably just a “slow processor” and that it may always be that way. She is very patient with him :). I like my theory more…he simply has a bad case of “I don’t give a shit attitude.”

She also described him as a loner…that made me sad :(. She said that he would rather watch than participate during free time and at recess. I was that way as a kid and it SUCKED…I would LOVE my kids to NOT be like that. What’s weird is he DOES have lots of friends (whereas I did NOT in elementary school). BUT, he does NOT seem to mind it. His teacher said she would not describe him as insecure or anything (I most definitely WAS). I hope that doesn’t change for him. He is the shortest boy in his class (some of the boys are a whole head taller than him) and sometimes I worry about that. In fact, only one girl is shorter than he is. Lucky for him, he is also the cutest boy in his class ;). I must admit, when I see the other second grade boys hug their moms after school it makes me happy that he IS still little…they look so BIG. I’m NOT ready for that yet.

Peditini

I really miss my Mer Mer :(. I feel like we NEVER get to see each other anymore. It’s not just that we don’t “make” the time, but I feel like our paths have really drifted apart. It’s so different as compared to last year…when we were practically in sync. We would even end up behind each other when we were driving to drop off or pick up the kids from school…it was weird. That doesn’t happen anymore :(. The “newness” is gone and I don’t think either of us have the energy to put forth the effort. Why can’t things just stay easy and “UN”comfortable? I took her out for a peditini (a pedicure and a martini) this morning to celebrate her birthday. We were both drunk by noon lol. It was so nice catching up and “bitching” together. I am sure we gave the girls servicing us an ear full lol (we happened to BOTH be pissed at our husbands today). Bitching over the same old shit of course, guys are idiots…

I struck out again last night :(. I wonder if that is one of the things that keep me going?...having absolutely NO control, yet wanting it more than anything (I think ;). I HATE being rejected!!! I fear the day when all “hope” is lost…

So, as much as I loved the little buzz I had earlier, I feel so tired now. Ugh…I just want to sleep the day away, BUT pick up is in about an hour. Guess I better start slamming down the coffee.
I LOVE this picture. It was taken in March 2009 at the kids' school auction. I think there was a time that she made me more happy than ANYONE...well, any other adult at least ;)~

Little Black Sheep

I’ve been hanging out with Nicholas all day today. He woke up with pink eye this morning. I HATE that crap. It is so contagious and I am a total germ freak. I am on the poor kid to wash his hands constantly :(.

He has had a rough couple of days. He woke up at 4 AM Saturday morning puking in MY bed :( The kids all sleep with me while Marc is in California and he didn’t get home until that morning. Ugh, I hate puke in my bed…there is so much bedding that it is a pain in the ass to wash it all. It’s much easier when the boys do it in their own bed lol. So, I had to throw him in the shower (when he was done) and wake the other kids up so I could move us all upstairs.

Once I “know” they are sick, it’s not so bad. I am pretty good about having a bowl on hand and I usually sleep with whomever is sick so I can be sure that they make it into the bowl. Nicholas and Aspen can be quite annoying though…they hate puking so they constantly try to push the bowl away (thinking that it will keep them from puking) and end up getting it on the couch or bed. That REALLY pisses me off and I lose my patience rather quickly.

Nicholas is my little black sheep. He is the ONLY kid I know that DOESN'T want mommy when he is sick :(. While he was puking in the bathroom later that day I tried to rub his back and comfort him (they always cry when they puke) and he got really pissed at me and yelled at me to stop touching him :(. He never really has been affectionate. He even had colic as a baby and I remember it driving me nuts that I COULDN’T comfort him :(. He’s just not a very “needy” individual, which I actually REALLY appreciate (with three kids it’s nice to have some slack), BUT I feel I take advantage of his easiness sometimes and don’t spend enough time with HIM. The other two are sooo demanding AND exhausting…

He doesn’t seem to be affected by it though...he IS a VERY happy AND content little boy :). I am just kind of hard on myself. I just know, as a mom, that I need to step it up a little with him. I don’t want him to ever think that I love the other two more. Especially, when actually he holds a little bit different place in my heart :)

My Little Men

Marc has been in California all week (which is probably part of the reason for my enhanced contentment ;). It’s not that I don’t miss him, but I think I am much better with the kids when I HAVE to do it by myself. It’s like I step up my game or something. I dunno, I am just WAY more patient when he is NOT here… There is just something about them up MY ass NONSTOP while he can sit there and do WHATEVER he wants to do (in peace) that drives me freaking nuts. They will walk right past him to find me to tattle on each other…I HATE tattling. But all that doesn’t bug me as much when I am by myself because I know they have no one else to go to. AND, I have to admit, Marc has gotten much better about not hibernating downstairs doing his “own” thing. Whenever he is in California, I have to fend for myself on date night. This evening I decided to have a date with my little men. I took them tubing over at Timber Ridge after school. It was so fun. They really are the cutest little boys. It’s always nice to spend time with them without Aspen. It only makes me realize that I need to do it more often though…AND take it a step further and make “one on one” time for each of them. While I had the boys, Jaimee took Aspen to a princess party at the boys school. Leave it to me to be the only mom that didn’t send their little girl in their favorite princess outfit :(. However, I DID have her all decked out in Matilda Jane…AND I can be almost certain that she was still the cutest little girl there. I CAN’T look at her without thinking about how beautiful and perfect she is.

After the boys and I were finished, I dropped them off at home with Jaimee and Aspen. Although I had an amazing time with them, being a single mom all week had taken its toll on me and I needed a little break. I just ended up going to visit with Shannon while she bartended. I always feel weird sitting at the bar by myself…like some local loser.

LOVIN LIFE

I am in a such a state of contentment right now…I LOVE IT!!!

I LOVE training at SWAT and I am totally “into” the gym right now. I can’t believe I waited this long to make the switch and start going there. I have even gone to one of the body pump classes…on a SUNDAY. Yeah, I am pumped :)

The new year has been blessing me with new friendships. I have been seeing a lot more of Carrie and Rachel. It is kind of weird that we spend more time together now that our kids go to different schools. That seems to be how things work though…once you don’t have the advantage of seeing someone every day, it seems easier to “make” time for them. Well, whatever the reason, I am really enjoying their company. Our “girls night out” together are nice and simple yet refreshing AND fun :).

I have also been seeing more of my old trainer Lesa. There is just something about that girl…we just click. It’s really weird how we are NOT very close at all BUT we have this really special bond. Our paths AND our choices are so much the same…it’s CRAZY. I really hope we can make more time for each other though…

I think I am so happy right now because all the puzzles are fitting together so nicely. I’m NOT in school, I’m content at home (I have girls night out to thank for that), AND there is NO drama in my life right now. I better enjoy it while it lasts…

Driving Miss Crazy

Today was a wonderful winter day :) The kids and I went golf cart tubing at Shawn and Crystal's. I should have known better than to hop on a tube while she was behind the wheel. It only took her one trip down the road to whip me off into a snow bank. I think it took EVERY ounce of bladder control to NOT piss my pants…I was laughing so hard. I think she scared my boys a little bit too (tears were shed at least once)…with her it’s “petal to the metal”…no matter how slick the roads are.

BUT, we all made it home in one piece…that’s all that really matters. Shawn was much better behind the wheel. Thankfully, he took over when it was the girls turn ;). Marc didn’t go because he has a really bad sore throat :( Although I really enjoyed the snow today, I don’t think I will EVER get used to these Michigan winters. I HATE being freezing.

Aspen and Avalin LOVE having playdates together :)

The Two B's

Sooo, most of you don’t know that I have been wanting another baby for over a year now. And well, you wouldn’t know this because of how private I am about most things. I’m not one of those people that just announces my wants to the world or puts my feelings out on the table. In fact, I didn’t even tell Marc until last May. I mean, he “knew”, but I never seriously approached him about it. He obviously said no, because we all know how easily babies come to us ;).

I also haven’t told many people because I don’t like to listen to their opinions about how I should just be happy with what I have and how I “don’t really” want another baby. What do they know? How does someone else tell another person whether they want a bigger family or not? It’s mostly people that are done having kids themselves that tell me I should be done too. They love to remind me that I am just starting to gain my freedom, “why would I want to start over again?” Honestly, I KNOW it is hard work BUT I also think it is the biggest reward that life has to offer. What’s one year and nine months of your entire life anyways???

I think having Aspen in preschool is taking a toll on me. She is going to be in “real” school before I know it. Then what??? I am scared that I am going to feel so lost :( I have spent 8 years dedicating myself to them pretty much around the clock. They gain more independent by the day and I feel less and less “needed”. Sure, the first six months are probably going to be divine…just to BREATHE and have freedom for most of the day. BUT, I’d gladly trade that in to do it over…freedom is overrated.

BUT…I am NOT going to get my way. He is just NOT giving in to me. Which is for the best, I guess. I’d rather him be honest now than miserable later. He just knows himself too well and DOESN’T want to have to give any more of himself. He also says that he just doesn’t think he can deal with me doing homework with one more child hah. He doesn’t want to be 50 and still raising kids either. Dads are just weird lol. I think part of it for me is just the planning part. None of ours were planned and I would just like to know what it is like to “want” something like that. I guess now I do lol…

Sooo, since I am not going to get that “B”, I am ready to start looking into my other “B” options. I have wanted implants for a long time as well. The only thing stopping me is the thought of getting them done AND getting pregnant...that WOULD be my luck. I think the only thing worse than what I have now is saggy “bags” ;). I have been waiting for Marc to get fixed first, but it looks like I am going to just have to take my chances…he has had FOUR years after all. Besides, this is the closure I NEED. Once I decide to get them done, there is NO going back. “I” will have put the “baby years” behind me.

So, I told a friend a few nights ago that I was starting to look into it. She happened to be going to one of her check-ups last night and was able to get me in for a consultation after her. The weather was NOT on our side last night. We had to drive through a blizzard to get to the Detroit area (I’m sure NOT getting them done in Kalamazoo) and we ended up being three hours late. Luckily, the doctor was nice enough see us “after” hours.

The appointment was NOT what I expected :(. Although he was really nice, I felt like he just was NOT listening to me. I told him that I did NOT want to be huge and he had to have started me out with Double D’s. I kept asking for smaller and smaller but EVERYTHING felt ridiculous. I became COMPLETELY overwhelmed and just picked a number. It was nice having a friend there but I realized I really need Marc to be there with me. Not because I want to make “him” happy, but because he knows me more than anyone and knows what will make “me” happy.
I don’t understand why the doctor couldn’t just give me what “I” wanted. I asked several times if we could start out from the smallest size that would “work” and move up. I guess I’m just not his usual clientele. I think he may have been a little rushed as well.

Well I know I am NOT going with that guy so I guess my research remains a work in progress ;).

Going...Going...Going

I HATE coming home from vacation :(((. Between breaking the kids back into the school routine, unpacking, and uploading pictures I feel like I have been going NON-stop since we’ve been back. I am so ready to take off again. At least I took the semester off :)

I have also started cleaning the boys’ room today…well going through it is more like it. I swear…they have more shit than anyone. I always like to go through all their stuff after Christmas so I can make room for the new. I HAVE to do it while they are at school because they FREAK out if I get rid of ANYTHING…hmm, I wonder where they get that from :)

I watched Step Brothers with the kids yesterday and actually LOVED it. I vowed I would hate it because I am NOT a Will Ferrell fan, BUT my kids LOVE him. I think he acts the same in EVERY movie…DUMB…and he tries too hard. BUT, I have to admit, that movie was pretty funny. The dad was awesome and I loved John C. Reilly’s character. There are other movies that I have started liking because of the kids (that I couldn’t stand before)…like Little Nicky and Blades of Glory. There is just something about listening to their belly laughs and watching it through their eyes :). They also love repeating some of the scenes, such as “You love acting…I love pissing.” To hear Aspen say that is funny.

The boys shared another “rare” sweet moment this evening. They are each supposed to read for 15 minutes a night. Nicholas is a pretty good reader, but still has trouble with some of the bigger words. Blake was helping him out last night and it was so cute. He wasn’t being a total jerk to him about it like usual…he was genuinely helping him. It made my heart smile. I think it made them BOTH feel good too.

I start working out at SWAT tomorrow. I am a little nervous…I HATE being on my best behavior. But I have really come to loath my training at West Hills and I figure I should REALLY stop paying those bastards when I can train for WAY less at SWAT. Marc has owned that place for a year and a half and I have yet to make the switch. Damn, I AM stubborn ;). I am actually excited to train for three hours a week versus 30 minutes AND looking forward to having a girl trainer again. I just feel like I am going to have to walk in there EVERY time WITH a smile AND be friendly. I feel like as the boss’s wife, they will just be waiting to find a reason to talk shit about me. Ugh…this is going to be work…I am NOT known as being Mrs. Personality…when I don't want to be at least ;).

I love these pics of Nicholas as I. They were taken two years ago on a preschool field trip.

~2010~

I just can’t get over that it is the year 2010…it is really creeping me out. It’s not the “new year” that’s bothering me, it’s the whole “decade” thing. They kept referring to the start of a new decade on TV last night and it really got my mind going…so much so that I had a hard time putting it to rest while I lay in bed. I couldn’t get the last night of 1999 out of my head.

I remember it like it was yesterday. Everyone had their Y2K fears about the world ending…BIG, bad, scary things were supposed to take place on the Las Vegas strip. What else do twenty years olds do BUT go there ;). It was Jessica, her boyfriend (I think), my boyfriend at the time, and some of his friends. It was so crowded, and now that I look back I realize how stupid it was to go there.

But anyways, that’s not the point. What I remember most was being young and clueless. I had so many dreams and aspirations. I had NO idea that that I would be pregnant in a year and a half (by a guy different than my current boyfriend no less), dropped out of college, AND living clear across the country in good old Michigan…the list could go on and on. And that’s just a small part of this past decade…like year one of ten.

When I think about everything else I did during the last ten years I can’t help but sit back in aww. What’s left…I mean, what the hell am I going to do during the NEXT ten? I feel like I have already done everything there is to do…that’s important anyway. It’s obviously pointless to think about, because everything will end up NOT going according as planned.

I can only hope that in ten years I can look back again with no regrets as I did last night. I will have a 13, 16, and 17 year old so I will probably have lost all my sanity by then ;) I can only hope that I have a POSITIVE and close relationship with ALL of them. I am sure I will be even sadder than I was last night because by then they will all be big :(. I wish they didn’t have to grow so fast :((((. If only moments like last night could last forever…