It's So HARD to Say Goodbye

Just as I thought, today was absolutely heart wrenching. Aspen did NOT want me to leave her at school today :( I didn't want to leave her either...it took lots of will power to do so. Circle time had started and she just wouldn't settle down. I finally asked one of the teachers what I should do and they said I just kind of have to tell her bye and walk away. I did it, but not without shedding tears of my own. In fact, when I walked out the door I was a total mess. Thankfully, Crystal was waiting outside and gave me a big hug...I think that just made me cry harder ;)

I wanted so badly to turn around, kiss away her tears, and bring her home. BUT, I knew if I did, I would never get her to go back. She would continue to break down in order to escape the situation. This isn't the first time I have gone through this...Blake was the same way. He might have been a little worse. I remember very vividly him begging me not to leave him. He even cried out, "But I LOVE you mommy." If I made him stay then I just HAD to do the same with her.

As I drove away I just couldn't pull myself together. I drove to the gym in hopes that a good work out would ease my heartache. Marc was there playing tennis as well, and I needed a good reassuring hug. I interrupted his lesson and broke down for the final time. Working out after DID help. By the time I finished I only had an hour left before I could pick her up.

The huge smile and big squeeze she gave me when we were reunited might have been worth the emotional mess I went through that morning. I don't think she has ever been so happy to see me. Her teachers said that once they went through the daily schedule with her she was fine. They told her that I would be there to pick her up after their nature walk. The only downfall to that was she asked them if it was time to go on their walk after every activity ;) Hopefully that will be our hardest day. Marc has already offered to take her for me next Tuesday so I don't have to go through it again.

My heart was broken again this evening. Blake broke down while I was tucking him into bed and told me he didn't have friends to play with at recess anymore. KCDS is so small, there is only one second grade class and it only has fifteen students. The bigger problem is that three of his friends that he played with during recess last year are attending different schools this year. There is only one kid left from their "clan" and I guess he plays soccer now.

I asked him why he didn't just play soccer with them and he told me he isn't good at it (poor guy is the smallest boy in his class and inherited my sloooow moving skills). Next, I asked him about some of the other boys and he proceeded to tell me that they were annoying...all the "cool" boys play soccer.

Nicholas was my last resort, "Why don't you play with Nicholas?" He quickly answered, "NO, he plays with girls...they play ponies and puppies!" Nicholas quickly interrupts that they play other stuff too, like house (you have to understand that out of ten students in his class last year, Nicholas was one of only two boys...he is very used to playing with girls ;) I asked Blake why he doesn't just pretend to be the dad or something. His response melted my heart, "I am not a very good pretender Mom."

I didn't know what else to say or do. I did ask Nicholas if he would take some time at the beginning of recess tomorrow to play something with Blake. I told Blake that he could take his soccer ball to school and kick it back and forth with Nicholas. Being the sweetheart that he is, Nicholas replied, "Sure Mom." I also explained to Blake that his current school is very small and if he wanted he could attend a different school next year that is much bigger, therefore a lot more kids to interact with. I just hope that he and Aspen settle into the big changes soon...I hate seeing them unhappy.